Day Sixteen, Chapter Sixteen
Did you know that “Sarah Wells wasn’t the first cat burglar to do break-ins while dinner was on the table?” She has actually studied “the greats”, like the “Dinnertime Burglar” and the “Dinner Set Gang”. (No, seriously, those are the names JPatt came up with.) I, for one really admire the work of the “Pot Roast Prowler” and the “Does Anyone Want Dessert? Safe Cracker Gang”. I know the “Suppertime Snoop Squad” has been in all the papers, but I find their work derivative and amateur, to be frank. (By the way, if you have never basked in the glory that is John Hodgman’s list of 700 hobo names, you’re missing out on some seriously inspired work.)
…she marveled at how her victims felt so secure with the lights on that they didn’t set their security alarms.
Their magical thinking was just amazing. And woo-hoo for that.
Sarah is still in her bedroom, admiring the loot from the Dowling heist – particularly a ring with a massive, pale-yellow stone set in the center, with 120 small diamonds surrounding it.
What a ring! This thing was a frickin’ gasper. It just shrieked romance.
Well, woo-hoo for that. Nothing shrieks romance like…the word shriek. She fantasizes about keeping just this particular ring, despite the danger, believing that she could pull off wearing it as a pendant, even with her “T.J. Maxx wardrobe and plain looks.” Then there’s this kinda weird scene with Sarah and her husband, Trevor. Can anyone explain this scene to me, seriously? Is this just a game they play? Is Trevor an abusive husband? Why, why, why am I even wondering about this? What is happening to me?!
As Sarah stared at herself in the mirror, there was a loud knock on the door. It was her husband, Trevor.
“Why is this door locked, missy? What are you doing? Having fun with yourself?”
“You could say that,” Sarah said.
“Let me in.”
Sarah put the ring under the hollowed out base of the lamp on her night table.
“Go to hell!” she shouted.
He was shaking the door, kicking at it. Sarah went over and unlocked it. Just another day, she thought as she let Trevor into the bedroom. Just another day in the secret life of Sarah Wells.
I’ve tried counting the “frickins” again, but I keep getting different numbers. There was definitely one in Chapter 16, so the count is somewhere between 5 and 7. I’ll frickin’ try again tomorrow.
Go to Day Seventeen.