Day 28, Chapter 28
James Patterson: “Maxine, how many days has it been since you…we…I wrote an erotically charged lesbian scene?”
Maxine Paetro, co-author: “Um, I believe the last one was Chapter 17, Mr. Patterson. Eleven days.”
Maxine: “Uh, okay. Any characters in partic….”
Patterson: “SILENCE! WRITE!”
Guess what Chapter 28 is about? Take a deep breath…
Heidi undressed Sarah, carefully undid the oversize shirt one slow button at a time, unzipped the low-riding jeans, marveled as she ran her hands over Sarah’s lean runner’s body. Sarah was so strong.
“Your body is the next best thing to having a body like this myself,” Heidi said.
“You’re perfect. I love everything about you.”
“That was my line. Get into the bed, now. Go on.”
Do you think he meant to write, “Looking at your body is the next best thing to having a body like this myself”? Or perhaps, “Touching your body…”? And do you think he just said, out loud, while Maxine Paetro was diligently taking dictation, “Sarah was so strong” and Paetro just assumed that the line was supposed to go into the book? I just don’t get it. In fact, there is pretty much nothing about Chapter 28 (or any other, really) that I do get. Do people talk to each other like this and I’ve just never realized it? It’s not just the dialogue, obviously, but there must be something about his style of hacked up, choppy sentences that people can relate to on some level. Has everyone just gone stupid? Maybe it’s mind control. Three of the last five chapters have been primarily about sex. Maybe that’s it.
The deal in Chapter 28 is that Sarah and Heidi (her co-worker from Chapter 17) are actually secret lovers. Heidi has a couple of of kids and a husband who, presumably, doesn’t know that Heidi has taken a lady into her bed. The two women are planning on running away together (with Heidi’s kids, of course. What kind of animals do you think they are?) and fantasize, in bed together, about the places they plan on running away to. Tonight it’s Palau.
“All right then. To life in Palau,” Heidi said, touching Sarah’s glass with hers. They sipped and kissed with their eyes open, then the glasses were put aside and they reached for each other, Heidi listening to the baby monitor, Sarah with an eye to the window, fear driving their passion into high gear. As Heidi stripped off Sarah’s panties…
All right, all right, Patterson. Jesus.
Go to Day 29.