Day 50, Chapter 50
The fiftieth day of this ridiculous marathon project seems monumental in some way. 50 days is a long time, yet I’m still – unbelievably – just shy of halfway through. Is it still funny to anyone else other than myself? I know that daily readership has dropped off a bit, but imagine if you were me – I HAVE to read this every day. While you sit there, blowing your vuvuzelas, I’m mired in the swamp that is The 9th Judgment. Then again, this is my own fault.
I became a fan of James Patterson on Facebook the other day. If you really want to make yourself depressed over the state of literacy in this country, check out the comments his fans leave on that page. Maybe I’m a total bastard for making fun of this, but…there you have it. Some are genuine – one woman expressed her happiness at being able to escape into his books when so much horrible stuff is happening in her life – even a cold, heartless jerk like myself can get behind that, but most are just awful, fawning gibberish. Here are a few examples – anonymous, of course:
- Everytime I start reading one of your books I think, “How is it possible that one man could come up with something this amazing?” James Patterson, I’m convinced you are the best author known to mankind!
- By the way u are an amazing writing no one could think of the stories u come up with i loved swimsuit it is so good and cant wait to read the new one
- It drives me crazy waiting for a new Patterson to come out! I try to bide my time reading other substandard books. So keep em coming!
- Mr. Patterson, I love EVERYTHINK you write! Your the MAN!
- ahaha I got paid $298 on Friday from just about no work, this site is a money machine – do yourself a favor and try it now www•cashreport•org
Sarah opened the door to the one-bedroom apartment she shared with her revolting, hair-trigger husband. She stood listening for a moment in the small foyer, and when she heard snoring, she stepped into the living room. “Terror” was slumped in his brown leather recliner, asleep in his wife beater and shorts, his plaid underwear not only showing but unsnapped and open. She wrinkled her nose at the porn couple silently humping on the TV, then slipped past her husband and into the bedroom…