The Book Catapult

117 Days of James Patterson – Day Fifty-Seven

Day 57, Chapter 57
First off, I’d like to apologize for using a photo of Lawrence Taylor yesterday to illustrate the number 56 (for chapter 56).  In a complete and totally awkward coincidence, Taylor was indicted on third-degree rape charges yesterday afternoon.  Oops.

So today, we’re back with secret lovers, Sarah “Hello Kitty” Wells and Heidi Whats-her-face-who’s-married-to-the-fat-guy.  They’re meeting at a diner on their lunch break (they’re teachers) to covertly celebrate Heidi’s birthday.  Sorry, no doughnuts today.

(Heidi) kissed Sarah quickly, then looked over her shoulder, making sure there were no other teachers around.

“Happy birthday, darling,” Sarah said. “You’re a flirty thirty.”

Menus were brought to the table and hot open-faced turkey sandwiches were eaten quickly because the lunch break was short and there was a lot on their minds. 

Photo from Foodnetwork.com. Seriously!

Hey, nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a hastily eaten, hot open-faced turkey sandwich.  Heidi wonders (or rather, “blurts”) whether they will still love each other when the secret element of their relationship is removed and everything is out in the open.  Yadda-yadda, blah blah blah.  Three waitresses bring out a cake with candles on it and sing “Happy Birthday” to Heidi.  Patterson prefers to be more specific in this scene, explaining that the waitresses sing “Happy birthday, dear Heidi.  Happy birthday to you”, presumably because we don’t know the words.  

If you recall, since both women are married to men, theirs is a secret relationship, so being discreet in public is a necessary requirement.  Although, they are sitting next to each other in a tiny diner booth…

Applause sounded up and down the length of the narrow diner, and Heidi looked at Sarah, squeezed her hand, and then blew out the candles, every one of them on the first try.

“Don’t tell me what you wished for,” Sarah said.

“I don’t have to. You know.”

Choke down that vomit, you can do it.  And do you think anyone as noticed them now, what with the thunderous applause and a whole diner of people looking at them?
Sarah then busts out with Heidi’s birthday present.

She dug into her pocket and came out with a packet so small only something really good could be inside.

Guess what it is!

“I can’t guess what this is,” (Heidi) said. 

Never mind.  It’s the yellow diamond that Sarah stole from the Dowlings back in the prologue, reset into a new pendant setting.  Seriously, how frickin’ stupid is this chick?  You steal a diamond ring worth a million dollars, the owner ends up murdered right after you leave the scene, the cops (however inept) are looking everywhere for you, as you’re the only suspect, so you go and have the diamond reset into a pendant so you can give it to your secret lesbian lover.  Who you work with.

“I love this. It’s the most beautiful gift, Sarah. What kind of stone is it?”

“It’s a citrine, but I think of it as a promise stone.”

Heidi looked into Sarah’s eyes and nodded.

And Seth threw up in his mouth again.

Why would a millionaire have a citrine ring in her safe at home?  Does Sarah really think that it’s just a piece of quartz, worth a few hundred bucks?  Or is she just lying to Heidi so she doesn’t get freaked out?  Do I care?  No.
Go to Day 58.

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2 comments on “117 Days of James Patterson – Day Fifty-Seven

  1. Amy
    June 24, 2010

    Oh wow, that has got to be the most brilliant move in the entire book. I would like to hope that ONLY a character in a JP book could ever be that stupid.

  2. Emily
    September 16, 2010

    Okay, I've been working through your 117 Days of Patterson, trying to refrain from commenting on EVERY post, (because do you really need 117 reminders that you did this??), but this one is priceless. I'm laughing so hard over here I'm choking. Just when I thought JP and his characters couldn't get any more idiotic . . .

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This entry was posted on June 24, 2010 by in 117 Days of James Patterson.
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