Day 59, Chapter 59
Really, James Patterson? You want me to read and write about this crap when the Round of 16 starts today? Believe me, Uruguay vs South Korea is infinitely more appealing than another chapter of inanities from you, sir. You are a slavedriver and I resent you for it.
Via the James Patterson fan page on Facebook yesterday, I found this: 10 Questions for James Patterson – running in the July 5th issue of Time magazine. All ten answers he offers have some rather enlightening lines, but my favorite has to be the tenth:
Q: What do you say to critics like author Stephen King who say you are not a great prose stylist? – Andy Williams, Augusta, GA
A: I am not a great prose stylist. I’m a storyteller. There are thousands of people who don’t like what I do. Fortunately, there are millions who do.
Excellent question, Andy “The Emperor of Easy” Williams. “There are thousands of people who don’t like what I do.” Nice. Count me in. And by the “millions”, do you think he’s referring to readers or dollars? Hmmm, it’s a little vague.
Business time: Henry Tyler, under the supervision of Lindsay and Conklin, makes the call to WCF (as I will hereby call him, rather than the idiotic “Lipstick Killer”) to discuss the hand-off of the $2 million ransom. Once on the line, WCF has Henry take a picture of the cash using the camera on the phone and send it to him as proof. Then he introduces “Judy Price,” his “secretary” and “go-between” for the transaction – aka, Detective Lindsay Boxer. Sneaky!
Tyler handed the phone to me. I said, “This is Judy Price.”
“Judy. This phone can stream video to my computer for three hours. I hope we can conclude our business in less time than that. Use the neck straps and wear the phone with the camera lens facing out. Keep it on until I have the money. I’ll direct you as we go. Do you read me?”
Ah shit, I have to wear the neck straps?
“Don’t try any stupid phone tricks, Judy.”
WCF makes Lindsay (Judy) “do a little pirouette” with the camera on, so he can see who else is in the room with her. Conklin is referred to as “Rich in ad sales” as part of the subterfuge. WCF tells Conklin and Tyler to not follow “Judy”, blah blah blah. Then things get good. And by good, I mean supersized, sexified, and amped up, Patterson Style!
There was a pause. Longer than I expected. Then the killer’s voice was back.
“Nice rack, Judy. And let’s hope you’re a smart blond.”