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117 Days of James Patterson – Day Seventy-One

Day 71, Chapter 71
Now we leave Conklin and Cindy to their E.D. love affair and head over to Sarah “Hello Kitty” Wells’ house, where she’s just…hanging out.

Sarah’s arms burned so much, the pain was like fire, only worse. But she maintained the static hang from her chin-up bar until her muscles simply refused to obey any longer.

She dropped to her feet and shook out her hands for five minutes.

Think about that: shaking your hands for five full minutes.  Try it.  Five minutes is a long time – do you really need to shake the pain out of them for that long?

Sarah goes into the living room to grade some tests (remember, in her real job, she’s a teacher) and watch a little television.  She hears a report on Marcus Dowling (the movie star guy from the prologue who killed his wife, Casey, while Sarah was robbing their house) by “Crime TV’s most appealing reporter,” Kathryn Winstead.  (Why it’s important that we know this about Kathryn Winstead is beyond me.)  Dowling has really let himself go – his story is that the cat burglar killed Casey – growing a beard and losing weight.  He’s stammering and his voice is cracking as he gives his interview to the appealing Kathryn Winstead.

“I wake up soaked in sweat,” Dowling told the reporter. “For a m-m-moment, I think I’ve had a nightmare and I turn to where Casey should be lying beside me, and then it all comes back and I remember her c-c-calling out to me, ‘Marc! Someone is in the room.’ And then the shots. Bang. Bang.

I’m just going to leave that passage there for you to digest on your own.  What commentary could I possibly add to that to make it funnier?  B-b-bang. B-b-bang.

Sarah is pissed off now because Dowling’s lying about killing his wife and is foisting the blame off on her.  (Duh!)  She paces the house, splashing water on her face, drinking iced tea, fuming about Dowling.

That movie star had balls the size of coconuts.

She goes back to the TV and rewinds the interview.  Dowling whines about not hearing from the police in days.  Clearly he hasn’t been watching the news or he’d know that they’ve had their hands full with nude ransom hand-offs and bungled serial killer investigations.

“I haven’t heard from them in several days, and meanwhile Casey’s killer is still out there with a fortune in jewels.”

Sarah snapped off the TV.

This was classic Samson and Delilah.

I will admit, I thought I was missing something when this biblical reference came up and I still think it’s a stretch, even for JPatt.  Presumably, this refers to Delilah tricking Samson into revealing his secret about the source of his strength – Marcus Dowling being Delilah and Sarah being Samson, right?  But JPatt manages to bungle that.

“Terror” (Sarah’s pet name for her husband) wouldn’t be home for two hours, and if she used that time efficiently, she’d be able to give Marcus Dowling a haircut. She couldn’t allow him to get away with murder.

Now Dowling is Samson, getting his hair cut off….  Again, I actually had to read this section a couple of times – I missed the haircut reference the first time around so none of this made any sense.  Upon further reflection, it still doesn’t make any sense.  JPatt, stick to what you know, buddy – crappy dialogue and soft core porn – and leave the cultural, social, and biblical references out of it.
Go to Day 72.

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One comment on “117 Days of James Patterson – Day Seventy-One

  1. aaryn b.
    July 17, 2010

    uh…what?
    are we still going?
    is there more?

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This entry was posted on July 9, 2010 by in 117 Days of James Patterson.
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