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117 Days of James Patterson – Day Seventy-Five

Day 75, Chapter 75
Well, I’m Yuki Castellano and you know it’s on!  Got it goin’ on till the break-a-break-a dawn!

Damn, has it really been forty-four days since we last saw superstar attorney-at-law & Women’s Murder Club Member, Yuki Castellano?  Back on Day 31 – which is integral to today’s chapter – she talked to her old college friend, Sue Emdin, about the death of their mutual acquaintance, Casey Dowling.  (Sue thought Marcus was innocent, even though Casey had told her that she thought Marcus was cheating on her.)  How am I supposed to remember that far back?  I mean, it was 44 days and 44 chapters ago – how are people supposed to read this, like ten chapters a day?  Absurd.

Now, Yuki gets a call from Sue, who’s all a fluster.

Emdin was the “tough beans” type, but when she spoke now, Yuki thought her voice was strained to cracking.

“Tough Beans” Emdin claims that she saw Marcus Dowling having dinner in a very intimate restaurant with some lady who was not his recently deceased wife, Casey.  By the way, the restaurant, Rigoletto’s, is “a dark, six-table Italian place on Chestnut, (with) home-style cooking and not Zagat rated.”  Just in case you needed that vital information.

“They were in the back corner, laughing and canoodling.”

Yuki feels that Sue is “filling in her report with color commentary.”  This, of course, would be Yuki’s own color commentary.  And this blog would be mine.  Canoodle.

“I wish you could’ve seen this girl. Tight little skirt, V-neckline down to her navel, showing off her great big bouncy boobs.”

“Dowling had a hot date, you’re saying?”

“Hot and a half with whipped cream on top.”

Not only is Sue the conduit for JPatt’s sexual depravity in this chapter, she’s been busy since we first met her 44 days ago – she’s been following Marcus Dowling everywhere he goes because she thinks she was wrong in her original assessment that he had not killed his wife.  “I follow him all the time,” she tells Yuki, in a panic.

“Oh my God, I can’t stand it. Tell me I’m crazy and put me out of my misery, or do something for poor Casey.”

You’re crazy.  Give me the gun & I’ll put you out of your misery.  Yuki takes the news of her friend’s newfound insanity a little hard: 

Yuki juggled her handbag and briefcase. What had she created by talking to Sue Emdin? Her hands were shaking as she got out her keys and opened her front door. “Where are you now?”

“Outside his house. I’ve been here for over an hour. Babe-a-licious is still with him, and if you ask me, she’s not going home. Not tonight anyway.”

James & Sue Patterson

Not to get too personal, but what do you think JPatt’s lady-type is like?  Babe-a-licious?  Is that going too far?  Maybe I shouldn’t take this there, especially paired with a picture of James with Mrs. JPatt.  But I did.  It’s just that there is a certain level of smarmy, sexual deviancy I feel he has reached – maybe this is what he thinks the American reading public wants to see.  And he may be right, what do I know?  Maybe they want things “hot and a half with whipped cream on top,” I don’t know.  Extra canoodling.  Just because it sounds like Cinemax softcore porn to me, doesn’t mean that that isn’t the reason people pick up a James Patterson book.  Is that the reason?  Brief spurts of violence, coupled with teenaged boy fantasies of naked policewomen and large-breasted girlfriends?  Maybe I’m onto something here – maybe I am getting back around to the original thesis of the 117 Days.  Why do people read these books?  Mildly pornographic images and murder.  Interesting.
Go to Day 76.

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7 comments on “117 Days of James Patterson – Day Seventy-Five

  1. Amy
    July 13, 2010

    That is exactly the reason.

  2. Anonymous
    July 13, 2010

    I wonder why Lindsay is considered by some Amazon posters)to be a strong role model. All Lindsay does is go into heat whenever she's near Joe or her partner,Rich (AKA her best friend's boyfriend). No wonder everyone wants to partner w/ her-eventually she will sleep w/ her partner. Or come close. I think Jacobi is the only one who escaped that fate.

    Please keep reading, so I don't have to.

  3. Anonymous
    July 13, 2010

    YES JPatt's books are written for exactly that purpose – to be read fast and DONE. People I hear talking about them almost “brag” that they can read it in a short afternoon. Not much to be proud of I'd say, if “I” was the author.

  4. Seth Marko
    July 14, 2010

    Hey Anon #1, that's because Amazon is a bastion for idiocy, not literary – said the independent bookseller. 🙂 You also sound like you've read a little JPatt before. Fascinating. (Although, I believe Claire Washburn is Lindsay's BFF. Hello!)

  5. aaryn b.
    July 17, 2010

    All I know is that I can only picture JPatt and Mrs.JPatt doin' it and this image is accompanied by much grunting and stiffness (and not in the area that matters, btw).

  6. Seth Marko
    July 17, 2010

    Gross.

  7. Reggie Style
    August 1, 2010

    I think when some people read JPatt they are canoodling their wackadoos. Or is it wackadooing their canoodles?

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This entry was posted on July 13, 2010 by in 117 Days of James Patterson.
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