The Book Catapult

117 Days of James Patterson – Day Eighty-Five

Day 85, Chapter 85
Worst dialogue ever in this one.  Seriously, you’ll see.  Are you really doubting me at this point?
Sarah and Heidi take the kids to the Warming Hut – “a bright-white snack and gift shack at the intersection of the Crissy Field and the Presidio” and a REAL place – to eat “soup and sandwiches” and discuss the ramifications of the last 84 chapters of inane activities masquerading as a “thriller” novel.

“There’s something else,” Sarah said. “That stone I gave you.”

“Let me guess. It’s hot.”

“Very, very hot. It’s a diamond. With a name and a freaky history.”

Heidi expresses some mild disbelief concerning this stone.  She believes it to be a citrine, not a diamond. Sarah continues:

“Its name is the Sun of Ceylon, and it comes with a curse.”

“A curse? That’s insane.”

“I know, I know, but the stories go back three centuries. Hey, it belonged to Casey Dowling when her son-of-a-bitch husband killed her. What more do I need to say?”

Ooh! Diamonds!

Uh, how about, “Sorry I didn’t do more research on the shit I was stealing” or “I’m sorry I told you it was just a citrine. I guess I should have paid more attention to my jeweler grandfather when I had the chance.”  Yeah, wait a minute – if she’s so proud of spending so much time in the jeweler’s shop as a kid (see Chapter 84) why couldn’t she tell the difference between a gigantic, yellow diamond and a chunk of quartz?

Sherry came over and leaned against Heidi. “What’s a curse, Mommy?”

“It’s a wish for something – bad.”

“Like if I wished something bad would happen to Daddy?”

Uh, yeah, I guess so…  Jesus.  “Your kids are fucked up,” said Sarah in my imaginary version of this scene.  “Gimme that diamond back.”

“I don’t want you to wear it anymore,” Sarah said when Sherry had gone. “It’s tempting fate, you know?”

“Really?” Heidi laughed. “This is tempting fate? My God, that’s a riot.”

Yes.  Yes it is.  Sarah explains that she plans to meet with her stolen jewelry fence (really the wife of her dead fence – I haven’t bothered to tell you about that pointless plotline) to unload her loot so they can all run away together.  (Heidi and Sarah, not the fence.)  Prepare yourself for the onslaught of Pulitzer Prize worthy dialogue.

“I have something to say, Sarah.”

“Okay, but take it easy on me. I’m a wreck.”

“I can hardly believe you did this.”

“You’re appalled. Go ahead and say it.”

“I’m completely blown away. But I’m so grateful that you’d do this for us. You risked your life, Sarah. If the kids weren’t here, I’d kiss you. I’ve never loved anyone so much.”

“I love you too.”

Oops, I just threw up.
Go to Day 86

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4 comments on “117 Days of James Patterson – Day Eighty-Five

  1. Amy
    July 23, 2010

    I would never doubt you Seth Marko. Only Patterson, I doubt him a lot. That is lame dialogue. Especially the whole laughing at the idea that wearing a huge jewel that people are actively looking for is tempting fate…

  2. Amy
    July 23, 2010

    Wait a minute. Just thought of something. Why, exactly, is she stealing shit so that they can run away? They both have jobs, right? Why not just get divorced? No?

  3. Seth Marko
    July 23, 2010

    Hahahaha! I don't know!!!

  4. JPo
    July 23, 2010

    Get divorced?! And then what? Live your whole life without the obvious necessity of a man to prop up your weak, pathetic femininity? What do you think this is, the 21st Century?
    Frailty, thy name is Woman['s Murder Club]!

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This entry was posted on July 23, 2010 by in 117 Days of James Patterson.
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