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117 Days of James Patterson – Day 106

Day 106, Chapter 106

I yanked out my desk chair and crashed it hard into my trash can, then did it again for the satisfying effect of the clamor. I said to Conklin, “Red Dog won’t ask for a warrant without a damned smoking gun.”

Yeah, God forbid we should actually have to collect evidence to build a case.  What do you expect detectives to do, detect stuff?  Just makes me want to smash my chair into a trash can.

Okay, now brace yourself, for within Chapter 106 lies the most spectacular, jaw-dropping, bullshit-shovelling leap in logic we have seen yet.  Little Richie Conklin, tired of being in Lindsay’s shadow, has been doing some detecting on his own.  Mainly, he has been watching old movies starring Marcus Dowling.

Night Watch,” Conklin said. “He made this decades ago with Jeremy Cushing. Terrible film, but it was what they called ‘camp.’ It became a cult favorite. Check this out.”

There was Dowling: black suit, sideburns, and a sun-lined squint. And he was holding a gun. “You’re kidding me. Is that a forty-four?”

Can you see where this is going yet?

“A Ruger Blackhawk. It’s a single-action revolver, a six-shooter,” my partner said, clicking on another picture. The famous and now-deceased Jeremy Cushing was giving the gun to Dowling as a keepsake in a handshake photo op. You could almost hear the flashbulbs popping.

That’s right, it’s the murder weapon.  Isn’t it obvious?  Why wouldn’t one B-list actor give another a real handgun from the set of a movie they did together?  Didn’t you know that actors use real guns on movie sets?  And of course, Lindsay with her eagle-eye detective skills can tell – from this old picture from the 70’s – that it’s the exact same make and model that fired the bullets that killed Casey Dowling.

Oh, wait, friends, there’s more to come.

Lindsay, Conklin, Yuki, & Chi team up with three pointless characters named McNeil, Samuels, and Lemke and head over to the Dowling abode with their freshly inked search warrant.  

Yuki handed Dowling the search warrant. “I went to school with Casey, you know,” she said, stepping past Dowling into the vast gilded foyer.

“I don’t think she ever mentioned you.”

Ha ha!  The dead rich lady doesn’t remember you!

“Wait,” Dowling said. “What are you looking for?”

“You’ll know it when we see it,” I said. 

The team ransacks the house, but doesn’t find anything.  Can’t we get some help here?  This is too hard!  Can’t someone just point us to where the gun is hidden?!  Hey look, it’s the illegal immigrant maid, Vangy!

“You’re Vangy, right?”

“I’m an illegal alien.”

“I understand. I…that’s not my department. What do you want to tell me?” 

Vangy punches her ticket back to Guatemala by showing Lindsay to the laundry room, where she claims to have heard Dowling hiding an item in the exhaust vent behind the dryer.  Case closed, muthafuckas. 
Go to Day 107


4 comments on “117 Days of James Patterson – Day 106

  1. Amy
    August 13, 2010

    Wow, that is an impressive bit of logic there.

  2. Anonymous
    August 14, 2010

    The Idiocy Quotient just went through the roof!

  3. Nate
    August 14, 2010

    There's … really nothing more to be said than already has. It's mind-boggling. Written in a day; it has to be.

  4. Bookjunk
    October 11, 2015

    Wouldn't Marcus have to have a permit for that gun? And couldn't Dumb & Dumber have just done some plausible though boring police work and, I don't know, checked if he had a gun permit? The stupidity of the plot and the characters boggles the mind.

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This entry was posted on August 13, 2010 by in 117 Days of James Patterson.
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